More Beautiful You

We took family pictures for my mother-in-law's Christmas present. Don't tell her, shhhh. My friend Rita took them. She is a brilliant photographer. We had a lot of fun. It was so cold. I have never really liked taking pictures because of my weight and I must tell you, when we got them I was quite disappointed. Not with the pictures, they are wonderful. But with how I looked. I thought I looked as if I had not lost any weight. I was quite depressed and wondered why I was even trying. I was quite defeated. My husband and my buddy Michelle tried to tell me that it DOES look like I have lost the 130 pounds that I have lost. Nothing really helped and I was very down. But I keep working out, even though I did not want to. When I was rowing, I listened to a new song that I had just put on my iPod. When you are rowing for 45 minutes you have nothing but time on your hands. So I really listened to the words of a song that my daughter is dancing her solo to this year. To be honest, I thought it was just another bubble gum song, but I was wrong. Some of the words really took me back:

If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the One whose strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
There could never be a more beautiful you.

I spend so much time regretting my past and how I have let myself go and all the time I wasted. Sometimes it can get overwhelming. And I know when I looked at those pictures I had a distorted view. But I know that God's view of me is what matters most. He is leading me through this path and wants me to see myself though His eyes, to put all my past mistakes behind me, rid me of my fears and dry my tears. He does see me as beautiful.

So I am sharing our pictures with you and I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and want you to take time this holiday season to spend time with the Savior who will dry your tears, right your wrongs, and show you truth. Because He loves you and gave Himself for you. And He can wash away your past and make all things new.

An Interesting Question

Would you keep working out if you did not have to?

What a question. When I was first asked this question I flippantly said, "of course not." There you go, it was short, quick, and to the point. But then it began to gnaw at me. Why did I answer so quickly. Would I really stop? And why is this bothering me so much. I started to ponder this. Would I never work out again if I didn't need to? I really needed to find out for myself.

So I started a list of pros and cons to work through this.

First, the cons. Working out is hard. It takes a lot of your time. You have sore muscles. You lose sleep in order to get up early. You sweat a lot - no, I really mean a lot. You sweat so much you ruin clothes. You have to take showers all the time. You have to go a gym and workout next to skinny spandex people. You always have sore muscles. Finally, you have to lift heavy objects. Okay, I think I just talked myself out of ever working out again.

But to be fair, lets move on to the pros. What have I gained through working out? When I really think about it, I have gained my life back. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is really true. I have begun to believe in myself again and made changes to become the person I want to be. Working out has taken me farther than I ever thought I could go. I have gained self respect and pride in my accomplishments. It has taught me how to plan and set goals, and push myself past my limits. It has allowed me a lot of time with God to praise Him and pray for people, and myself. It has given me the ability to earn respect from my family, friends, and people I don't even know from the gym and Internet. It has also allowed me to encourage and inspire people, and a drive for life that I have never known before. It has given me so many sweet family times - I no longer sit and watch my family do things, I can join in.

The journey I am on is the journey of a lifetime and it will last that whole lifetime. It has also given me sore muscles, early mornings, sweaty clothes, and at time, pain - physical and emotional. But when you take time to think about it, it is so worth the effort I have gone through.

I ran into a few people who had not seen me in a few years. They asked me if I had weight loss surgery. I was kind of insulted because I had dropped every pound through hard work and sweat. Although it would be tempting, if given a magic wand, to instantly get to my ideal weight and never have to workout again, I would not do it because I would miss out on this journey and what richness it has brought to my life. It has been filled with ups and downs, but they are my ups and downs.

If you've read my blog before, you know how inspired I am by music. I ran across a song that puts it perfectly, how I feel about my path, or climb:

There's always gonna be another mountain,

I'm always gonna make it move,

Always gonna be an uphill battle,

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.

Ain't about how fast I get there,

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side,

It's the climb.

The struggles I'm facing,

The chances I'm taking,

Sometimes might knock me down.

But, no I'm not breaking.

I may not know it,

But these are the moments

That I'm gonna remember most,

You've gotta keep going.

I know, I know, it's a Miley Cyrus song, but at least she didn't write the lyrics - they were written by adults.

I will stay on my path and I pray that you will stay on yours.

The Process Never Ends Until We Die

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die, the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility." Eleanor Roosevelt

Responsibility, what a heavy word. But in the end it is truly up to each of us. Wouldn't it be easier if we could pay someone to walk this path for us. If we could have a "pinch weight-loss runner" who we could trade places with at the finish line, thin, healthy and fit. But I guess we would miss out on all this journey has to offer.

Each week is a blank canvas on which you can paint a beautiful picture filled with vivid colors, or scribble a black and white stick figure drawing. We all have to live each week, but it is our choice how we shape that week. And, we must accept that this process will never end, but is always filled with change along the way.

They say the secret to survival is the ability to adapt to change. I can tell you that I hate change, always have, and always will. Lately I have been struggling with all the changes involved on my path to fitness. I used to think that it was pretty straight forward - exercise, eat less, and you lose weight. And it is true that calories in / calories out is basically what it is about. But to be truly successful, you need to switch up your workout and your calories, and don't get me started on metabolism! I wish there was a manual that told you everything you need to do, but being fit does not seem to work like that.

Last week, I needed to change my workout because I was getting bored and unmotivated, so I knew that I needed to change up some things. My husband encouraged me to try the rowing machine at the gym. I always wanted to try it, but didn't think I would be able to do it. So, I thought, what do I have to lose. My husband strapped me in and away I went. I was going to try it for five minutes. My husband went to take a shower, but at the end of five minutes, I couldn't get unstrapped. So, I decided to keep going until my husband came out to help me. I went 15 minutes and burned a bunch of calories. So, the next day I wanted to see if I could go 30 minutes. Sure enough, I could. Then, I set a goal of going 3 miles which I already accomplished and am now on to new goals. And then it hit me - by changing up my workout, I was not bored anymore and in fact, excited to see how far I could go. Now I have some variety for my cardio. So I guess change is not so bad after all, which is good, because now I need to change my weight workout at the end of the month. You see change never ends.

So what is the moral of the story? We all need to relax and walk the path that God has given each of us. Don't get set in our ways. If we want to truly survive and thrive, we need to develop the ability to change. Look around, do you see any dinosaurs on your path? They could not adapt to change. We don't want to end up like them do we?

Choices

The last two months have been a whirlwind of activity in my life. Here are just a few things that have taken place:

• I walked in my first Susan G. Komen breast cancer walk
• Lost a friend to a pulmonary embolism
• Returned to a church for the first time that we had left under difficult circumstances
• Restored a friendship
• Saw my all-time favorite band in concert (Casting Crowns)
• Got a clean bill of health from my oncologist
• Started teaching a home school co-op class to 36 kids
• Continued working out six days a week and homeschooling my own two children.

Wow, just putting it on paper makes me tired.

I realize more and more that it is the decisions you make every day that shape your life. And, a busy life is no excuse to stall or fall off your path to health. One of the most important life lessons I have learned is that every day, you make choices, and they are not always easy. Sometimes choices are made for you which are out of your control. For example, two weeks ago, I was only able to work out two times through no fault of my own. On the following Monday morning, when the alarm went off at 4:30 am, the last thing I wanted to do was get up and go workout. If it wasn't for the encouragement and prodding of my husband (who also didn't really want to get up either since he had missed the entire week at the gym), I would not have gone.

At the gym I felt so sluggish and had a horrible workout. My only consolation was that my husband was a lazy slug that day at the gym. If not for the accountability and fear of my family's karate sensei, I would not have gone to aerobics that day either. Then it hit my like a ton of bricks. This is how people can easily fall off their path to health. It really wouldn't have taken me much more to fall off mine. It only takes a few days of bad choices to ruin a long run of good ones. I was sharing this with Sensei Richard and he said something very profound, "In life as well as exercise, you can't bank things. You have to make deposits each and every day." Wow, he was right. I know there will be days when choices are made for me that are out of my control, but it is ultimately my responsibility to stay the path long-term.

This week, I have made some really good decisions as well as horrible ones. But, I know that I need to get up each morning, and with God's help, try to make the right decisions for my path. I heard a new song this week and felt God was sending me an encouraging note to keep me on my path. I wanted to share a few lines with you. The song is from Sidewalk Prophets and says:

Be strong in the Lord, and never give up hope.

You're going to do great things, I already know.

God's got His hand on you, so don't live in fear,

Forgive and forget, but don't forget why you're here.

Take your time and pray.

Thank God for each day.

And His love will find a way.

So don't let a few bad decisions throw you off the path God has set you on.

Get A Bicycle ...

"Get a bicycle. You will certainly not regret it, if you live." Mark Twain

In my new life, I have learned to set fitness goals. One of them was to ride a bike. I had a rocky start riding the bike in the gym, but now I am riding 30-45 minutes a day, 6 days a week (plus my weight training). My next huge goal was to ride a real bike - outside and everything - and to go on a family bike ride. Since I started on this path, I feel a lot of it has been in a holding pattern. There are so many things that I want to do, but I need to lose weight before I can accomplish them. But I wanted to ride a bike, not in a few months, but right now.

I knew that I would need a recumbent bike, due to an old leg injury. We started looking for one and quickly found that they started at over $1000. So, we went to plan B, AKA eBay. We found two that were up for bid by the same person, but we had a very small budget. So without God's help, I knew I would not be getting a bike. But, you know that I would not be writing this blog post if my bid had not won. So, let's recap - I wanted a very expensive, special bike, we had very little money, and it looked impossible. But with God, all things are possible and we won the bid at a great price, and got the bike. A happy ending, right?

No. The minute we won the bid, the realization set in - now I have to learn to ride a bike! Me, a rollie-pollie, uncoordinated person who hadn't ridden a bike in 40 years; what had I done? And of course, I had asked all my friends to pray that I would get this bike. They all knew I won the bid, so how would I get out of this one?

Well, it took a couple weeks to get the bike shipped, then we took it to get tuned up at a bike shop. So, finally the day came, and I had to actually ride my God given gift of a bike. I could not sleep the night before. I was so scared I wouldn't be able to do it. I even looked around online to see if they made training wheels for adult bikes. But, I knew God was with me every step of this path, so I took a "pedal of faith" and went for a ride. My husband went with me to an empty parking lot, early in the morning. I didn't want anyone to see me. Heck, I didn't even want to see myself doing this. I told him, "Whatever you do, don't let go of me." I know that's how he taught my two daughters to ride their bikes, but this was me.

So, with my heart racing, I started pedaling saying, "Don't let go of me!" I looked over, and my husband was jogging right next to me, not holding on. I realized I was riding the bike all by myself. What a feeling to accomplish a huge goal that I could not have done without God's strength. The next day, we went on our first family bike ride. It was somewhat traumatic as there were a lot of people riding on the trail so I was very nervous. I even got to take my first "wipe out." We had a great time, and I know it will only be the first of many family bike rides to come.

One thing I have learned on this path is you have to keep moving your goals once you meet them. So, my new goal is to ride 4 miles outside and work my way to 10 miles. My ultimate goal is to ride in a 50 mile bike race. I don't know how long it will take, but I know that I will keep working on these goals until I meet them.

So, there you go. Just as Mark Twain said, "Get a bicycle." I haven't regretted it (yet), and I'm still alive and pedaling down my path.

Go Kiss A Deer

I experienced a new part of my path last week while on vacation with my family. This was the first time where eating healthy and exercising actually matter to me. Well, needless to say, I was filled with much anxiety before we left because I was worrying about staying on my healthy eating plan and if I would have time to work out. To be perfectly honest with you, I really do not enjoy the outdoors that much and we were going to a cabin in the woods so that alone caused me to have much concern. Every time I have a break in my routine, I worry if I will ever get back on my path.

I was listening to a song while driving up to the cabin. I heard this song many times, but there was one line in it I heard for the first time. It was very simple but I think it was what God was trying to tell me, all through this vacation. The line says, "So look up and see love. Let grace be enough." It was as if God was speaking directly to me, saying that His grace is enough and that He loves me and I don't need to let the worries choke out the joy of this time with my family. There were many times that I would become anxious again, like when we arrived at the cabin and I saw two flights of stairs just to get in the front door. But I just looked up and saw love, and let grace be enough. Believe it or not, the stairs were no problem at all which was a good thing, because when I got in the cabin, there was another flight of stairs up to the loft. I guess all that cardio was paying off.

There were so many things on this trip that I was able to do with my family for the first time. We rode a steam engine train with an outside car that we all stood in and watched God's beautiful creation pass by. I was standing for more than an hour in the outside car with my daughters, which would have been impossible just a year ago. Last year I was only able to stand five or ten minutes at the time due to the pain in my leg and my lack of fitness. That was when God revealed to me the whole reason I am on this path - to take my life back and enjoy every minute of it. This vacation was not a snare to trap me to fall of my path, but a blessing to show me how far I have come, and what I have to look forward to with my family.

That's exactly what I did when I went for hikes, swimming in the Hot Springs, making s'mores over a campfire (yes the fire was outside). We saw so much wonderful wildlife. One the most fun things is that the deer were so friendly, they would come right up to you allow you to feed them. One actually kissed me when I bent down to feed him a cookie (no, it was not my cookie it was my husband's cookie - I guess now it is the deer's cookie). It was one of the most active vacations that we have ever had. My husband and my children have always been active, but I was never able to join in. But this time was different. It was truly a wonderful time. I cannot tell you that I now love the outdoors, but I will go there any time to spend time with my family. And of course with God's amazing blessings, when I got home from our vacation, after not being able to exercise regularly or eat as healthy as I would of liked, I weighed in and had lost 5 pounds (my husband gained 2 ha, ha, ha). Again it was God saying to me, "...look up and see love, let grace be enough." Jesus came so that we could have life and have it more abundantly, and it is our job to find the path He has given us and walk forward, living our lives.

So this week, I want you to look up and see love, and let grace be enough. And while you're at it, go kiss a deer.

Stay the Path

Somewhere In The Middle

Somewhere between the hot and the cold,

Somewhere between the new and the old,

Somewhere between who I am, and who I used to be,

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me.

These lyrics are from a song from my favorite band, Casting Crowns, basically sum up my life. I am somewhere in the middle of my weight loss journey. Yes I have acknowledged that I will be on a lifelong path of fitness and eating right. I mean that I am in the middle of where I want to be as far as a goal weight and a fitness level. As you know, being in the middle is not always the most fun place to be. For example, sitting in the middle seat on an airplane or being the middle child I hear, is not always very fun. So I felt that instead of whining about being somewhere in the middle, I would have look back to where I was, to the present where I am now, and forward to where (by God's grace) I am going on my path.

Where I used to be is a place I'd like to forget. I am 5 foot 5 and weighed 450 pounds. However, I need to remember the chains that once held me as an encouragement to keep moving ahead. I used to be in a place where I ate a candy bar every night before I went to bed (usually king size). I never counted calories or even gave them a second thought. I would think nothing of having three or four refills of a Coke at a restaurant as well as eating six donuts or six slices of pizza at one sitting. I'm sure I was consuming around 3000+ calories a day. I never worked out or even broke a sweat. In fact, I couldn't even take more than six to ten steps without being out of breath or in pain. If there was anything on television or in a book about exercise or losing weight, I would immediately switch it. When anyone talked about being fit and exercising, I would try to change the subject as quickly as I could. This is just a thumbnail of where I used to be; not a pretty picture I can assure you.

Today I work out six days a week for 1 to 2 hours a day. I wish I could tell you that I love working out, but I really only love when it's over. I love how it makes me feel, when I accomplish things. I truly do not like working out, but I get up every morning at 4:30 and I go. I get blisters now, sore muscles, and I sweat - which is all really new to me. I even have short-term and long-term fitness goals. I now count every calorie I eat (I even have a digital food scale to make sure), and I haven't had a candy bar in over 16 months. Okay, I do still splurge and eat a small piece of cake at birthday parties - you've got to be reasonable, right? I shop at places like Whole Foods and eat whole-wheat everything. Boy have times changed. I now read, watch, and listen to anything that has to do with fitness and wellness and am currently watching four seasons of "The Biggest Loser" at one time, counting the days until September 15 for the new season! This was the first year I ever watched "The Biggest Loser" and now I am trying to catch up and glean all the information I can from the past seasons (my secret dream is to have Bob be my friend and personal trainer). I get fitness newletters and read fitness blogs and have read six books about fitness and nutrition. Anytime there is something on TV related to health, fitness, and weight loss, I get excited and hang on every word. I no longer drink Coke's, which is really really sad, but rather, green tea (which tastes like dirt but it's healthy and helps with your metabolism so I do it).

So, where am I going to be? Notice I said, "where I'm going to be?" This is because with God's help, and some huge goals that I want to achieve, I will reach my target weight (which I am not currently sharing with anyone except my husband). I plan to mark that occasion by getting a tattoo. For those of you who don't know me, this is probably the most unlikely thing that I would ever do, but I want to mark the day I reach one of the biggest goals of my life. This is also a way to commit myself to never go back. A couple of big goals on my way to my target weight is to ride in a 50 mile bike ride, and in a year, I want to join karate with my family. I also hope to find a way to encourage people who are on the same path I am on.

So here I am, somewhere in the middle, but I'm not stuck. I'm moving forward. And yes, there are days that are very discouraging. A few weeks ago I commented to my aerobics teacher and fittness mentor, Sensei Richard, that I was kind of sick of being in the middle of this and he said to me, very honestly and truthfully, that it didn't take me overnight to get in this condition, and it is not going to take me overnight to get out of it. A kind of mean, but truthful statement - something I really needed to hear.

The last verse of this song is exactly what God wants us to know about Him during times like these in our lives:

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side,

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle.

Stay the Path

Motivation + Action = Momentum

"Motivation is the internal condition that activates behavior and gives it direction, energizes, and directs goal-oriented behavior." Wow, what a definition. As I walk on my path, I feel like I am in a constant search for motivation. I was shocked when I read this definition. I never realized that motivation is an internal condition. For many years, I had motivation from external sources such as fear, what other people thought of me, what I think God thinks about me, what I think about myself, and what God really thinks about me. But since I started walking this path, I am beginning to realize that motivation comes from within. Let me tell you that it is a really scary realization. And you know I've had a few of those scary realizations. First, it's no cosmic joke that I am overweight; it was a choice that I made to be overweight and unhealthy. I can't blame anyone for my emotional eating. I put the food in my mouth; I made the choice.

Now, I find out that within, I have the capability to motivate myself to stay on the path (of course with God's help, that goes without saying). I am solely responsible to make and direct my goals to accomplish what God has set before me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the, Little Engine That Could - I think I can, I think I can, and now I know I can. I cannot tell you how that feels to accomplish a goal that you set for yourself. If you've been reading my other posts or following me on Facebook you know I have been on a journey to ride a bike, both in and out of the gym. The first time was a complete and utter failure, so much so that I wrote a blog about it. Well I knew I wanted to ride a bike and that was my big fat hairy goal but I knew I needed to break it down into small bite-size, manageable, measurable goals. That's what I did. My first goal was to ride the bike for 10 minutes and when I met that goal I moved it to 30 minutes. Yes, believe it or not I rode for 30 minutes and after that I set it for 45 minutes. During this time, God really blessed me with the opportunity to buy a recumbent bike to ride outside which is my ultimate fitness goal. So now, I have two different goals going - one to ride the bike inside the gym and the other to learn to ride a bike outside. Then, just last week I had a goal to ride the bike for an hour at the gym. To tell you the truth, I really didn't believe that I could accomplish this one, but I tried and 61 minutes later I went 15 ½ miles. Now, that was probably one of the greatest accomplishments I have had on my path.

Now, before me is the goal to learn to ride my bike outside. A good friend has challenged me to ride my bike 10 miles outside, and she will run the 10 miles. It is a funny thing that I can actually say that I am motivated to reach that goal. But what is the point of this blog? It is to share with you that you have everything you need inside of you to be motivated to start or continue on your path. All you really need to do is step up and start moving forward. You might say that motivation + action = momentum. So get up, get motivated, and stay the path.

Grab Your Spandex & Meet Me on the Path

My husband and I are switching gyms. Joining a gym can be one of the most stressful experiences on your path to fitness. When I joined my first gym, I was so scared to be at a gym with skinny spandex people who I thought would be filled with judgement and disgust at me. On the first day, I was so relieved to see, "my kind" there. You might ask what is "my kind"? Well what I like to call us is, nice, round rollie-pollie people - so much nicer than the word "fat" don't you think? Well, I learned quickly that the round rollie-pollie people are glad you are at the gym but they don't want to be seen talking to you or interacting. They give you the look which says, "keep strong, don't stop working out, glad you are here, but don't let the skinny spandex people see us together." I have met some very nice skinny spandex people who have been quite encouraging, and I have to give props to the skinny spandex people. Before I started on my path to fitness I thought you were either a skinny spandex person or a nice rollie-pollie person. You might say it's just the luck of the draw. But now I know that it's up to each of us and the choices we make each day that determines which category we will fall. So you could say I am on my way from rollie-pollie to skinny spandex and am hopeful I will make the right choices along the way. So grab some spandex and meet me on the path.

Hop On A Bike And Stay The Path

They say there is joy in the journey and that it is this journey and not the destination that matters. But I'm here to say that sometimesthe journey stinks. Sometimes it is a struggle just to get up and keep moving on the path. I have had a couple of difficult weeks finding motivation and frankly, just being happy about my diet and my road to fitness. This is the first time that I am actually pushing myself outside my comfort zone and often times when you push yourself, you get some bumps and bruises along the way. A few weeks ago I went to work out before church on a Sunday morning. On that morning, it was the first time I tried to ride a stationary bike. I know for many of you, riding a stationary bike is not a big deal. But for me it is totally out of my comfort zone. My husband was trying to help me and when I started riding I cannot tell you how painful it was because of an old leg injury. Riding a bike is one of my long term fitness goals. To be able to ride outside with my family. When I tried to ride it that Sunday morning, I failed miserably felt totally discouraged. I felt like I hit a wall and couldn't believe that I didn't even try. I was truly devastated and all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed and pull the covers over my head. But my husband and family didn't allow that and made me go to church. You know how when you get in that place where you feel sorry for yourself you just want to stay and wallow in it for a while?

I didn't want anyone to lift me up. But of course God had another idea. Our worship leader introduced a new song that day that spoke to me right in the middle of my pity party and I had no option other than to get up dust myself off and move forward. The song was called "Found" - a new song by an artist named Aaron Ivey (aaronivey.com) and from the first line, I knew God had some very important things to say to me through this song. The first line says, "Jesus, the healer of brokenness," and on that Sunday morning I cannot tell you how broken I felt both physically, emotionally and spiritually. Then the song goes on to say that Jesus is the "fixer of troubled souls" and by the time we got to the chorus of the song my eyes were filled with tears and my heart was looking up. I realized that God was telling me that God was my resting place and that God has taken my brokenness and made me whole again, and that my life is found in him.

I can literally write every line in the song and tell you how it reached in and touched me. You need to buy it for yourself from iTunes - it will be the best $0.99 you ever spend. Again, the title is "Found" by Aaron Ivey from the album, "Between the Beauty & Chaos." I realized that the only option for me was to get back on my path and move forward and that's what I've done. I got back up on the bike and am now able to ride it for 10 minutes. But those 10 minutes are huge for me and I now have the short-term goal of riding for 30 minutes. Then comes the long-term goal of being able to ride a bike outside with my family. Dont ever stay down. Get up, hop on a bike, and stay the path.

Keep Dancing

Since I started this journey, I have looked for motivation from many sources: songs, quotes, life stories, almost anything. But last Saturday night I had the incredible blessing to find motivation and encouragement from my own daughter Maggie. It hit me last Saturday night during her dance recital, that this wonderful young lady has stayed on the path most of her life through many bumps and cut-arounds to accomplish great things.

Maggie was born with some problems. She was developmentally delayed and had severe sensory integration problems. But from a young age she always wanted to dance and God had brought a wonderful instrument into her life - her dance teacher, Miss Stacy. She always believed in her. It seemed at first like Maggie would always have an asterisk by her name. In case you don't know what I mean, that's when someone sets a record but there's some special circumstances so they put an asterisk by their name. She threw her heart into dancing which had so many boundaries due to her problems. It was like she was always going to be a good dancer but would be confined by her physical problems.

But I can tell you that Saturday night during her ballet solo, she blew up the asterisk. She danced technically the best she has ever done, but it was her heart as a dancer and her love for the God she was honoring with the song she danced to ("Talk to Jesus" by Kathy Tricolli) that burst through bringing her dance teacher (and many in the audience) to tears.

I realized that she has always had the determination of a pit bull and she stayed on the path and will continue on the path to accomplish many wonderful things. So my daughter taught me a lesson - that I need to continue on the path just like she does and sometimes that path is a long difficult trip but it is lightened up if we just dance.

The Life of a Samurai Is Not Easy

Saturday night my husband and I had a date night. We went to watch a UFC fight (this is full contact cage fighting for the uninformed). I know you might be thinking that is a unique and unusual date night. Ever since my husband has started karate he has gotten into mixed martial arts (watching, but not competing). So being the wonderful wife that I am I have watched a few things with him. And the way I become a fan of anyone who participates in professional sports is to become personally invested - not a team - but an individual. For example, I was a huge Joe Montana fan because he played at Notre Dame my favorite college when I was growing up. So there are a few fighters who I have become personally invested in. One of them is deaf and another one has the greatest nickname ever, "The Dean of Mean" Keith Jardine. So now let me get to the point. My husband's favorite fighter also has a cool nickname Lyoto "The Dragon" Machida. He is a karate black belt and since all my family are on a path to earn their black belts, it makes sense that he is my husband's favorite. Before we went out to watch the fight, my husband was watching a show where they were interviewing the Dragon. He said something that I found fascinating. He said that he had been training for 15 years (he is now 30) for a chance to win the world championship belt. Every morning he had to make the decision to get up out of bed and train or not, and he ended his interview with saying, "the life of a samurai was not easy".

Being a person who never really had any goals or ever dreamt of accomplishing anything great in her life before the last year, I found much encouragement realizing that the Dragon had the same decision that I make every morning - to get up and work out or not. A more important and eternal decision that I must make daily, however, is to walk the path that God has set before me each and every day. I have learned you don't just set out to accomplish great things unless you daily make that decision to get up and move forward towards accomplishing your greater goal, one tiny step at a time. And remember the life of the samurai is not easy or everyone would be one.

Stay on the path another day.

Perfect People

Well, this is my first official post. I got up and worked out this morning, walking on the treadmill and pushing myself past limits I never thought I would accomplish. A few months back I was totally blocked at the speed of 2.0 on the treadmill and there was no way I could ever go faster than 2.0. After all, I started out a 1.2 and was winded and quite miserable, so there was no way I would ever surpass the dreaded 2.0 milestone. And here I am just weeks later walking at 2.9 which is really fast for me. I also started walking with the elevation of a 2.0 which is also really hard for me but I realize that I must keep moving forward and keep increasing speed and elevation. I don't really like to push myself which is partly the reason I am in the condition which I am in. But as in my new life as a warrior I have learned to push myself past what I feel I could ever accomplish on my own, knowing that God is always there to help me accomplish the path which He has set me on. I just thank God every day for the invention of the iPod. I don't know how I could ever exercise without music playing in my ears. God has used so many songs to inspire me and spur me on and convict me and just make me break down and cry.

Today was no different. There is a song by Natalie Grant called perfect people. I must admit I spend a great deal of my time in my wonderful new life worrying about going backwards. What if I quit exercising? What if I gain all my weight back? What if, what if, what if? It can really choke out my joy. In this song God really spoke to me today so I thought I would share it with you (I hope Natalie Grant doesn't mind):

There's no such thing as perfect people.

There no such thing as a perfect life,
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed, and be changed
By a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and were you've been
And you never have to go there again

That pretty much sums it up. I know I am broken and scarred but I have been changed by a perfect God and he knows where I've been and I don't ever have to go there again. So I will hold onto this promise today as I stay on the path.

I've told many people I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean. I can't go sideways or backwards I must keep moving forward like a shark. If I don't keep my forward motion I will stop functioning altogether. But I know God is always there leading me forward. So stay on the path another day.